As my last post entails, I decided close to the last minute to sign up for the 2014 Bodyspace Spokesmodel Search. After much anxiety because I am not necessarily where I want to be right now, I chose a safe 'risk' of enrolling and making myself vulnerable to being let down because if I don't put myself out there, when will I ever? While I know through my journey of not only life but especially my with my health and fitness that we cannot sit still and expect change to come our way. Haven't the greatest successes in our history come about from constant failure, rejection and tough battles only to be continuously pursued with persistence and dedication? Alas, I uploaded the video, put in some progress pictures and hopefully they all meet not only the requirements but impress the internal judges @ Bodybuilding.com enough to place me in the top 20 for the females. I'll keep you posted!
Open book moment: I had to have another invasive procedure recently (which added to my above-mentioned anxiety) relative to my PCOS and did have an emotional break down. I felt like despite being strict on my diet and lifting and doing loads of HIIT at the gym, my body wasn't responding. Then more procedures and associated bloating and well, I'm just FED UP being in stirrups and doctors offices this year! I nearly fell into my old trap of starvation diet and copious amounts of cardio then fall into the depression cycle because I don't feel up to par compared to other women entering the contest. Ummm, key word: compared. I cannot be a hypocrite and tell other women not to compare themselves to others since each journey is unique and then do the same and beat myself up; it won't be the end of the world if I don't get chosen. With that said, I managed to pull away from those negative thoughts and actions as quick as possible and remembered that I'm human and I DID SAY that I wanted to do this with a focus on health versus just appearance.
Conclusion: Yes, I was training hard but I was allowing my upheaval from my home, new environment of living, being on the road, finding work, my symptoms, procedures, etc. to take center stage and really wasn't ending each day feeling fulfilled. As trivial as this may seem to some, I recognized last night that I do need more structure in my life and the only thing I can control is my fitness timeline. I am choosing to finally set down and pick a show (although Dr. Sara Solomon, who is a fitness role model for me, has been leading me to contemplate a WBFF show over NPC because they appear to hold healthier views on what a physique should look like and live healthy year-round) so that I have more holding me accountable. Finally, I awoke this morning with a fire ignited within me. Something had changed over night. I stepped into the gym with vigor and determination in my eyes. I said from the beginning that I wanted to represent women with PCOS in the bodybuilding world and that is just what I will focus on and all the women I interact with are my motivation!
Lower body insanity from today was a combination of the following:
Leg extensions
Lunges
BB Squats
Calf raises
Leg press
Calves on leg press
Single leg deadlifts
Hamstring curls
Rope pull abs
Lying leg raises
I varied my weight, continuously going heavy, varied my rep range but absolutely did not stop, no rest...who needs cardio when you just lift heavy and fast?! Also, I am trying out new videos but learned I cannot do it with my phone, so the only place it would upload to is my FaceBook. I went through a typical PCOS-friendly smoothie that is packed with everything you want for a delicious and healthy post-workout (or whenever) meal!
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