Clarity.

Finding clarity.

Whether or not you have PCOS, it can be rather easy to succumb to the feelings of anxiety and depression in the fast-paced, money-driven, obligatory world that we live. First, feelings of stress and anxiety raise cortisol levels. Which, in turn, cause our bodies to respond in ‘fight or flight’, thus storing fat…aka stress hormones are a huge reason women that diet and exercise cannot lose fat, especially around the midsection. Secondly, if you stop and take a minute to step back from your anxious thoughts, you may question, “Why the hell do I even care?”.

Aside from amenorrhea, I have to say that my feelings of being anxious are my worst symptom of PCOS. Honestly, it doesn’t help that my ‘calm’ (my husband) is always deployed. When we are in the groove and he is home, he knows my triggers and works through it with me and makes me laugh, takes meditative walks with me and the dogs, and reminds me that there is absolutely nothing in this world worth stressing over so much that I cannot function. What is your ‘calm’?

Well, lately, this has been me: preparing for a long-ass move down to Texas with the dogs and more money being spent, starting a new life, being afraid of change (but yet loving the idea of it!), fearful of failing, being scared of success, even and feeling overwhelmed with meeting everyone’s expectations, spending enough time with certain people, losing the fat that I’ve gained in the past few months of ‘bulking’ (there better be as much damn muscle under there as I think, given my dedication) and still struggling to meet a healthy relationship with food. Do you find yourself indecisive? This is the one quality in myself that I have been working on extensively and deeply since last summer. It frustrates me and I have now come to realize that I do it due to my feelings of fear. Funny thing? When I step back from all those negative feelings, I realize that I have accomplished a lot and that my self-worth should not be viewed as, nor determined, by how I look on the outside or how much money I can make. Since these two topics seem to revolve in my life, I have to remember that I started lifting and living healthy to be just that: healthy!

I wanted to cure my PCOS naturally and yes, look amazing. I think my big trigger toward negativity came when I chose to compete in bodybuilding shows because since then I have been back on that negative relationship. Being told that I have to eat certain foods that trigger my symptoms just in order to utilize the beautiful suit I purchased and stress about getting that perfect v-taper down, somewhere I lost why I began. That stress set me back from where I came; I remember a year ago I was starting the Bodybuilding.com transformation challenge; I had already come a long way in my journey but did want to have more visible muscle but guess what? I never stopped loving myself and felt amazing eating intuitively and yes, clean, healthy PCOS friendly foods and dissed any ‘coach’ that told me what to eat….how the hell did I lose that happy feeling of being free to do with my body what I want? With that said, I have chosen to reduce that stressor from my path at the moment. I may sell my beautiful suit to even just get that out of my mind and I can bet you that I will probably be back down in weight and a healthy relationship with food and yes-probably-wanting to compete by this summer but I cannot have that as my sole reason anymore. I totally digressed, though, but I have realized how much I allow this to consume my life. Guess what? I took my little brother to the gym with me today after eating froyo (totally made me bloated, and I wouldn’t recommend but I’m leaving him soon so we went out after his bball game and I didn’t beat myself up) but I went through my planned leg routine while he bounced around, spotted me some, and we were silly, went to play bball upstairs and I felt that freedom high again. I have not stopped loving the gym but I prefer to be a free spirit and do what feels good in the moment when it comes to the leisure aspects of my life.

Now, in the other aspect: $.... I almost forgot why I love being in the classroom: if I can end my day knowing that I have influenced at least one person, student, in a positive way that day then I have succeeded. It will be a rough year with my husband leaving the Marine Corps and that is why I feel the pressure of saving, saving, saving, but oh yea, GUESS WHAT? There is always going to be somewhere where we are going to spend our money and I have faith that my hard work ethic and ambition to succeed (and my hub’s amazing dedication) will lead us directly where we need to be in life, when we need to be there. We cannot jump to the future and I do not want to be living each day just hoping to get to the next because that is not true living. Now, this was super-stressing me out yesterday, on top of having to count my macros….which is another aspect that actually makes me run the other way of dieting; I guess I don’t do well with restrictions placed on me but I’m cool making them on myself.

You know that feeling when all of a sudden you feel like your heart is going to pump out of your chest, your thoughts get confused, and you question everything going on in your life, even your current actions? I’m getting anxious just thinking of it. It makes me want to scream, cry, hide, and eat, or possibly puke. Just being honest. Depending on the circumstance, this happens less or more; not the point. Since I don’t have my ‘calm’, what do I now rely on? Yoga or meditation. In the past, I would go online and track others’ lives via social media, as if that would make me feel better…? No, not. Comparison makes it worse. Yoga is a general practice for me but I am newly trying meditation, in itself, aside from my yoga practice. Oh, my word. You will feel renewed. Well, last night, I knew I needed clarity. Period. I needed to sift out all the negative junk in my brain and realize the positive, bountiful spirit within myself that is capable of anything and in control of my feelings. I will not let my hormones dictate my happiness. After searching, ‘meditation for clarity’, I found this amazing YouTube video; take the time, focus inward, do the poses and forget about any pain, cry it out if you need to but enjoy the experience. And, I am finished rambling for now. Please, find time this weekend to meditate. You will thank me (I hope)! J

Metformin...sh** just got real!

I've been down and out for a bit. My hormones have always played a huge role in my mood, obviously, and I cannot say it helps being a military spouse. Even with the removal of my tumors last month, I still managed to keep an intense workout regimen (of course, I semi-listened to the doctor on recoup periods but I was not in pain, anyway) and actually rather on point with my food intake, but not obsessing over it and enjoying family time or the rare times out of the house. Yes, I was a bit thicker but I was using that extra bit to lift heavier. No bigs, right? Well, I thought not...until my husband left for training and I tightened my diet and put more HIIT cardio into my routines. Mind you: the last time I incorporated this same amount of HIIT, I was getting ripped pretty quickly. Nonetheless, somehow I managed to continue gaining and I realized I was definitely losing hard earned muscle. For the matters of health, I had been keeping a slightly lower intake of animal proteins, but nothing extravagant. My diet extremely PCOS friendly but yet, I could just FEEL myself out of whack; I am not typically an emotional person and I was crying, stressing, and confused about so much that was trivial and don't get me started on my damn mustache! Okay, okay, sob story over, I was proactive and made an appointment to discuss more endocrinology.
In the past, I have tried Hormone Replacement Therapy (progestin, chlomid, femara) and while I was not trying to conceive, my Doc wanted to see if these would help regulate my cycles, hence seeing if ovulatory function was even possible. My body reacted horribly, feeling like it went through menopause but yet the medication did not work for me but once. With that said, I said EFFFFFFFF feeling like a crazy lady (right, right!?) and really tried hard at the all-natural approach, simply healing through food, meditation, exercise, and only several herbal supplements to enhance proper function. Well, I haven't had a period in all that time and I have not been on a medication for nearly 2 years now.
Turns out, something in this crazy world of PCOS decided to trigger my hormones in another weird direction and I caved to TRYING, key word TRYING out a month of Metformin & Spiro. I can't even lie, just saying I'm on these suddenly makes me feel like part of this PCOS community all of a sudden. Sounds stupid, right? Since joining communities and reading educational studies on PCOS, I have constantly found and witnessed all these women on Metformin, but I was convinced that that was not for me because I did not think I had insulin resistance nor am I actively TTC. I've always been more of the, "eeehhhh what happens, happens" type of lady. So, to be on this stuff now, yes, yes, sh** just got real in the Sklenicka household! (I'm sure Ken will be happy he's not home for a while...) First 2 days review thus far: I've never NOT been thus UN-hungry. I can't lie on this either folks, I love to eat (be honest, who doesn't!?) and while I know how to eat clean and keep within my macro/kcal limits, these pills make me disgusted by even my favorite most tempting, colorful salad arrangement or (gasp) nut butter! I've been forcing some food in and trying to workout, although I feel fatigued rather quickly and thus my strength is down. Nausea was listed as a #1 side effect and ya, it isn't too bad but my digestive system has been making some funny sounds.....and I blame it on the dogs?! :-0  I have recently heard of Glucosmart and Glucocerin, which I am told are all-natural, which I'd prefer, but unfortunately I am sure are NOT covered by my healthcare. I'll dig deeper, though.
So, after this novel of a damn post, I was writing with an old friend and she made a comment on me having it rough these days; to which I replied, "More stories to add to the book of life!" It can be frustrating having issues that no one understands because they may not be visible to the naked eye and we can be on a rollercoaster of weight loss to weight gain, or even lose something so precious to our future (material or non) but at the end of the day, those build our character and make us stronger. God would not give us anything that He did not think we couldn't endure.

Oooh that pesky thing called STRESS!

PCOS Tip of the Day

  Choosing High-intensity Interval Training (HIIT) over medium-maximal prolonged cardio can increase your resting metabolic rate, aid in muscle building, and has a lessened effect on rising cortisol levels! Many women with PCOS (myself being one) have the symptom of amenorrhea, or lack of a menstrual cycle, and it has been shown that this is exacerbated when the heart rate is elevated for long durations. Research study can be found,here. So: hit the track, your backyard, or a piece of cardio equipment and train like an athlete.  Short burst of high-intensity, mixed with some bodyweight exercises or a medium-intensity and then rest and repeat several more times; this will allow you to get the benefits mentioned above and you won’t spend hours in the gym wrecking yourself while you think you’re doing something healthy. *Note: I speak from experience, as I had once done 1 hour+ of cardio on the treadmill or stepper every day and actually ended up gaining weight and my hormones went ALL out of whack!