What pre-dep leave can do to you...

...a.k.a. make you 'fluffy'. Yes, I could have easily worked my willpower against the evils of dining out, but I have been learning to take the punches and roll with them to make the best out of them. 1. I might have had several days of food that I would not recommend as a PCOS-friendly diet (too much starchy carbs and lack of portion control) but the difference between my mindset now versus the past is that in the past I would've continued to say, "Oh, tomorrow I'll be back on a strict diet"....and then pig out past my satiated point and the rollercoaster diet cycle ensues. Now, I'll eat a few bites of this naughty food and stop before I feel like I can't get off the couch (I envision myself here with a prego size belly not able to get up without rolling around like a 2 legged dog; I'm weird, whatever...and no I'm not dogging on pregnant ladies, geez even though I don't want kids now, someday I'll be wishing I was rolling around with a babe inside of me when I can't....I like ... & italics today, can you tell? Oh yeah, and my grammar and sentence structure sucks today; ADD day I suppose.) Anyhoo, moral of that story: Yes, I gained some water weight and fat but I made sure I was staying consistent with lifting or working out whenever possible even though pre-deployment has entailed being away from my home, my routines, my house being upside down with projects, and trying to make my husband as relaxed as possible before he has to reside in a living version of Hell again in the coming months. Mind you, he is going to miss football season, big holidays, and birthdays yet again this year; so we are celebrating early, right?!
With that said, I knew after 1 week of this 'carefree' attitude that I was ready to get back on the ball more hardcore and focus back solely on nutrients that my body loooooves. Well, my body must have enjoyed that break because my body is responding better than ever, high intensity lifting sessions, added in some TRX training at home, a slight bit of running to build my endurance back up and cycling my carbs a bit. (One day low, one day moderate, one day high; this isn't an end all-be all approach, it just helps me reduce cravings in the long run if I know I can look forward to more varied food choices the following day.) My muscles look more full and I feel great. I did take a week off of the Metformin when my prescription was up to remember, or really truly recognize, if it was assisting me and I have to admit that the week of not so good food didn't really add the aforementioned 'fluff' until I went off my pills. Disclaimer: I'm purposely took this break so that I don't become dependent on a medication to make me feel less fluffy, but I could definitely tell the insulin spikes were back slightly when off of the medication. I wasn't going to continue with it but had a follow-up with the doc and informed her that I finally lost the negative side effects (mentioned in the last post) so we decided to just see if the positive response ensues for the next few months. I have been back on it for a day and feel amazing thus far; fingers crossed I don't publish this then get nauseous and narcoleptic again...

So, for all you readers that may have those times similar to my pre-deployment celebratory eating, don't forget to stay consistent and listen to your body when it tells you no more. I have found that because PCOS can easily relay into depression for various reasons, when I don't eat PCOS-friendly to a 'T' I only get depressed when I am eating out of emotional disturbance, to clear my mind of thoughts, and truly if I let my mind get the best of me. Never quit, just keep on trucking and never view something as a 'negative', even if it is outside of your norm; just make everything a positive.

Are all my posts sounding too similar...? I'll switch up the next one to something radical, I promise.

Take time to connect.

....and not online! I've gotten comments on my social media & BodySpace pages about being absent from posting in the past month. Reason #1 is truth: I was feeling insecure about the changes going on with my body. It's extremely difficult not to compare ourselves to others, or even what we once looked like. At the end of the day, though, only we can really tell the physical changes (because we nit-pick) and typically what we see of others is altered in some fashion. I was upset with myself for feeling this way because I felt like a hypocrite, trying to promote inner beauty and confidence to other women (and now some very impressionable teenage girls) but yet was allowing myself to hide. Aside from my insecurities, I also have been resting and sleeping....a lot. While I miss working to no end, at this point, I feel blessed to a point that I had the option to rest when my body needed to; which is a lot on these medications. (Reference previous post.) After the initial 2 weeks of really getting adjusted to the new meds, I do feel like I have a handle on them for the most part. I revert back to symptoms of fatigue, nausea and dizziness if I don't eat enough food with them; which is actually hard because my taste buds are way off. Anyway, I do think they are assisting in my insulin levels, for sure. When I'm not drained and eating at proper intervals with them, I recognize a consistent level of energy, rather than prior instances of spikes and crashes. It may help that I have not had a taste for starchy carbohydrates, (or any, really) either. While I have always tried to keep my diet gluten-free and avoid those carbs that will send my body out of whack, we are all human and enjoy something different for time to time. The past month, my husband was away training, and being in the military, oftentimes he goes through a period where he'll have a hankering for restaurant food because he is deprived of food choices on a daily basis.
With that said, I had my first experience with pizza in a long time. Normally after one slice, I feel bloated, hyper then tired, and retain a lot of water the following day; my body does not like dairy and cheese, as that's recommended for almost all with PCOS (to at least not overdo the consumption, obv.). I hadn't been able to eat all day because well, every time I make a smoothie or salad lately, I can't finish it without feeling grossed out. Bizarre. Anyhoo, he had a few pieces the other night and I was not tempted whatsoever (that's a first!) but eventually got hungry and took a few bites....then the whole slice...and he asked me how I felt. Amazingly, not the same as before; so, my silly husband bugged me to eat the other one (Is he trying to fatten me up yo?! No, his claim is that he never sees me indulge and he knows how mental PCOS is for me in 'not being normal'...eff that, we are a special kind of normal!) So, I did...and guess what, it was like I never had pizza at all! I woke up the next morning still with ab definition, (I didn't mention, I've been leaning back out slowly) if not more than the day before! So, I always see fellow bodybuilders bragging about this, doing IIFYM (If it fits your macros), and at least getting to carb cycle and get super jealous because all those approaches don't work so hot for me but I finally got where they are coming from the day after an 'off' meal.. (I don't like the word 'cheat', it is dirty and presents the opportunity for guilt.)
To sum it up: Metformin, you must be doing the trick yo; you have mean side effects and I am not sure how long I will take your daily grumpiness, but thank you for that little moment. If anything, having that moment made me appreciate, even more, the hard work we put into a PCOS-friendly diet, exercising, and practicing meditation. I have always wondered how my body would really respond to my bodybuilding lifestyle if it was 'normal' and I suppose maybe I had a glimpse of that and it was validation of willpower, determination, and greater respect for all the other ladies out there dealing with PCOS. There is no cure, but we can know that every step in the right direction makes us more powerful from the inside-out.
To finish off: the title of my post was intended to describe the time I have been resting, I have taken that time to reconnect with my spirituality on a deeper level and am reflecting through prayer and reading, as well as self-introspection on how I can become a better person for myself, my husband, my family, friends, even those on social media. You never know whose day you may change with the smallest action or word.

Metformin...sh** just got real!

I've been down and out for a bit. My hormones have always played a huge role in my mood, obviously, and I cannot say it helps being a military spouse. Even with the removal of my tumors last month, I still managed to keep an intense workout regimen (of course, I semi-listened to the doctor on recoup periods but I was not in pain, anyway) and actually rather on point with my food intake, but not obsessing over it and enjoying family time or the rare times out of the house. Yes, I was a bit thicker but I was using that extra bit to lift heavier. No bigs, right? Well, I thought not...until my husband left for training and I tightened my diet and put more HIIT cardio into my routines. Mind you: the last time I incorporated this same amount of HIIT, I was getting ripped pretty quickly. Nonetheless, somehow I managed to continue gaining and I realized I was definitely losing hard earned muscle. For the matters of health, I had been keeping a slightly lower intake of animal proteins, but nothing extravagant. My diet extremely PCOS friendly but yet, I could just FEEL myself out of whack; I am not typically an emotional person and I was crying, stressing, and confused about so much that was trivial and don't get me started on my damn mustache! Okay, okay, sob story over, I was proactive and made an appointment to discuss more endocrinology.
In the past, I have tried Hormone Replacement Therapy (progestin, chlomid, femara) and while I was not trying to conceive, my Doc wanted to see if these would help regulate my cycles, hence seeing if ovulatory function was even possible. My body reacted horribly, feeling like it went through menopause but yet the medication did not work for me but once. With that said, I said EFFFFFFFF feeling like a crazy lady (right, right!?) and really tried hard at the all-natural approach, simply healing through food, meditation, exercise, and only several herbal supplements to enhance proper function. Well, I haven't had a period in all that time and I have not been on a medication for nearly 2 years now.
Turns out, something in this crazy world of PCOS decided to trigger my hormones in another weird direction and I caved to TRYING, key word TRYING out a month of Metformin & Spiro. I can't even lie, just saying I'm on these suddenly makes me feel like part of this PCOS community all of a sudden. Sounds stupid, right? Since joining communities and reading educational studies on PCOS, I have constantly found and witnessed all these women on Metformin, but I was convinced that that was not for me because I did not think I had insulin resistance nor am I actively TTC. I've always been more of the, "eeehhhh what happens, happens" type of lady. So, to be on this stuff now, yes, yes, sh** just got real in the Sklenicka household! (I'm sure Ken will be happy he's not home for a while...) First 2 days review thus far: I've never NOT been thus UN-hungry. I can't lie on this either folks, I love to eat (be honest, who doesn't!?) and while I know how to eat clean and keep within my macro/kcal limits, these pills make me disgusted by even my favorite most tempting, colorful salad arrangement or (gasp) nut butter! I've been forcing some food in and trying to workout, although I feel fatigued rather quickly and thus my strength is down. Nausea was listed as a #1 side effect and ya, it isn't too bad but my digestive system has been making some funny sounds.....and I blame it on the dogs?! :-0  I have recently heard of Glucosmart and Glucocerin, which I am told are all-natural, which I'd prefer, but unfortunately I am sure are NOT covered by my healthcare. I'll dig deeper, though.
So, after this novel of a damn post, I was writing with an old friend and she made a comment on me having it rough these days; to which I replied, "More stories to add to the book of life!" It can be frustrating having issues that no one understands because they may not be visible to the naked eye and we can be on a rollercoaster of weight loss to weight gain, or even lose something so precious to our future (material or non) but at the end of the day, those build our character and make us stronger. God would not give us anything that He did not think we couldn't endure.