....and not online! I've gotten comments on my social media & BodySpace pages about being absent from posting in the past month. Reason #1 is truth: I was feeling insecure about the changes going on with my body. It's extremely difficult not to compare ourselves to others, or even what we once looked like. At the end of the day, though, only we can really tell the physical changes (because we nit-pick) and typically what we see of others is altered in some fashion. I was upset with myself for feeling this way because I felt like a hypocrite, trying to promote inner beauty and confidence to other women (and now some very impressionable teenage girls) but yet was allowing myself to hide. Aside from my insecurities, I also have been resting and sleeping....a lot. While I miss working to no end, at this point, I feel blessed to a point that I had the option to rest when my body needed to; which is a lot on these medications. (Reference previous post.) After the initial 2 weeks of really getting adjusted to the new meds, I do feel like I have a handle on them for the most part. I revert back to symptoms of fatigue, nausea and dizziness if I don't eat enough food with them; which is actually hard because my taste buds are way off. Anyway, I do think they are assisting in my insulin levels, for sure. When I'm not drained and eating at proper intervals with them, I recognize a consistent level of energy, rather than prior instances of spikes and crashes. It may help that I have not had a taste for starchy carbohydrates, (or any, really) either. While I have always tried to keep my diet gluten-free and avoid those carbs that will send my body out of whack, we are all human and enjoy something different for time to time. The past month, my husband was away training, and being in the military, oftentimes he goes through a period where he'll have a hankering for restaurant food because he is deprived of food choices on a daily basis.
With that said, I had my first experience with pizza in a long time. Normally after one slice, I feel bloated, hyper then tired, and retain a lot of water the following day; my body does not like dairy and cheese, as that's recommended for almost all with PCOS (to at least not overdo the consumption, obv.). I hadn't been able to eat all day because well, every time I make a smoothie or salad lately, I can't finish it without feeling grossed out. Bizarre. Anyhoo, he had a few pieces the other night and I was not tempted whatsoever (that's a first!) but eventually got hungry and took a few bites....then the whole slice...and he asked me how I felt. Amazingly, not the same as before; so, my silly husband bugged me to eat the other one (Is he trying to fatten me up yo?! No, his claim is that he never sees me indulge and he knows how mental PCOS is for me in 'not being normal'...eff that, we are a special kind of normal!) So, I did...and guess what, it was like I never had pizza at all! I woke up the next morning still with ab definition, (I didn't mention, I've been leaning back out slowly) if not more than the day before! So, I always see fellow bodybuilders bragging about this, doing IIFYM (If it fits your macros), and at least getting to carb cycle and get super jealous because all those approaches don't work so hot for me but I finally got where they are coming from the day after an 'off' meal.. (I don't like the word 'cheat', it is dirty and presents the opportunity for guilt.)
To sum it up: Metformin, you must be doing the trick yo; you have mean side effects and I am not sure how long I will take your daily grumpiness, but thank you for that little moment. If anything, having that moment made me appreciate, even more, the hard work we put into a PCOS-friendly diet, exercising, and practicing meditation. I have always wondered how my body would really respond to my bodybuilding lifestyle if it was 'normal' and I suppose maybe I had a glimpse of that and it was validation of willpower, determination, and greater respect for all the other ladies out there dealing with PCOS. There is no cure, but we can know that every step in the right direction makes us more powerful from the inside-out.
To finish off: the title of my post was intended to describe the time I have been resting, I have taken that time to reconnect with my spirituality on a deeper level and am reflecting through prayer and reading, as well as self-introspection on how I can become a better person for myself, my husband, my family, friends, even those on social media. You never know whose day you may change with the smallest action or word.
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