Showing posts with label clean eating. Show all posts
Showing posts with label clean eating. Show all posts

18 December 2013

My Journey to Raw(ish), Vegan(ish): Healthy Mind, Body, Spirit: Part 1

Disclaimer: This is written as a journal. Please forgive any grammatical or spelling errors, as I will simply be writing directly from memory and at times, a rushed perspective. This is intended to share my experience and how this impacts my symptoms of PCOS, health and general well-being and is not intended to be utilized as a meal plan.

First Week, cut out: grains, nut butter, chicken

Monday: Coffee with sugar free creamer. Strawberries, some apple, almond milk, Garden of Life protein, strawberry acai coconut Kevita, mixed greens smoothie. Banana, supergreens, greens, protein powder smoothie. 1 Coconut cashew Quest bar, mixed nuts, salad with cucumber, green pepper, cherry tomatoes, sunflower seeds, red wine and apple cider vinegar.

A.M.: Bloated, blah, little gym energy or motivation but pushed through. Some acne on chin.

P.M. Tired.

Tuesday: Same coffee. Similar morning smoothie, minus kombucha. Banana, strawberries, mixed nuts post-wo. ½ Quest Nutrition bar, GOL cacao raw super foods with almond milk. Cauli, brocc., carrot, sugar snaps with 2 vegetarian fed eggs.

A.M. Slept harder night before, bit more zest in my wakeup, excited to drink smoothie and get to the gym asap.  Less bloat.

P.M. Full of energy to go on an hour walk with dogs even after workout and little food. Content and ready for bed with ease. Bloat (sodium from the nuts…) Doubled water intake but could not get feeling of h20 satiety.

Wednesday: Same coffee, but no longer actually desiring it. Banana, super greens, vegan protein, kale, almond milk smoothie. Celery, banana, grapes, apple, mixed nuts. 1 Quest bar. Green tea, H20 H20 H20! Broccoli, kale, cucumber, almond milk, raw protein powder, super greens, cinnamon, banana, ginger smoothie: was nervous for this one but it tasted really GOOD! More nuts…not too many but I do have the munching problem in the evening…. I’ll be working on this. More water. Some baby dill pickles.

A.M.: More ambition and motivation with a feeling of ‘clean’ energy and pushed harder in the gym. Little appetite; more lightheaded during yoga but deeper meditation. Felt detoxed after morning smoothie. No afternoon lag.

P.M. My vision seems more acute, more sensitive to light and I feel more anxious to move around; a big foggy headed and unfocused but yet more apt to use problem solving skills, or ready to, at least. Feeling rather ready for bed, my head congestion is still here, but sore throat is gone from Monday. Missing my husband doesn’t count, does it? I need a Skype date to truly solidify whether these are legit… So, aside from the isolated whey in the protein bars, only eggs yesterday. I feel lighter, yes I wish I was already leaning out but I haven’t focused on that for once; my flexibility went up thanks to doing yoga everyday now!

Thursday: kale, blackberry, almond milk, raw protein powder, supergreens, spices smoothie; made double to drink before work and at lunch; Quest bar; mixed greens salad with red and green peppers, a sliced beet, nuts nuts nuts, oops, cherry tomatoes, typical dressing; pickles

A.M. Full of energy but bloated and constipated.

P.M. POUNDING headache, chills, exhausted.

Friday: strawberry, super greens, raw protein, beet leaf, almond milk and spices smoothie, quest bar, cauliflower, broccoli, carrots, and squash blend with hot sauce and olive oil; yogurt; mixed peppers with onions, small spoonful of black beans and small handful of corn tortilla

A.M. Oh my word, no headache, blasting with energy first thing and had the BEST workout I’ve had ina long time…extra energy even after LEG DAY, lifted heavy and faster than before with ease and seeming mental clarity during my lifts; more focused. Having cravings today that rolled over from yesterday a bit…family had pizza last night and I sniffed it haha but wasn’t too tempted, managed my cravings last night with pickles before bed and chugged water. Craving no sugar added frozen yogurt today…it’s the only dairy I’ll ever succumb to but trying to use up my veggies in the fridge but missing my bananas since I’m out now…Kinda spacey now, this afternoon, off to take paperwork up to the school and get my hair cut, hopefully no cravings come.

P.M. Had to kill some time before my cut and had my brother; we passed the frozen yogi place and he asked if he could get a little bowl, I said yes. I caved, myself. In my defense, although I don’t need one because I’m doing this for myself and making my own ‘rules’ whatever, as I was saying: I did way better than normal in there; as always, I only got a no-sugar added yogurt (vanilla and blueberry blend this time) but got the smallest bowl possible, whereas I normally go for the medium and fill it up, and didn’t even fill it up more than halfway and topped it with some shredded coconut and almonds, peanuts, pecans, walnuts. Felt slightly gassy and bloated about an hour after but not like normal. Chugged so much water before bed I felt bloated but energetic for the next day.

Saturday: Strawberry, almond milk, super greens, raw protein and spices smoothie, quest bar, mixed greens with green pepper, sunflower seeds, vinegar dressing, lemon, cherry tomatoes; handful potato chips, Udi’s gluten free choc chip cookies with almond milk,  sweet potato with brocc, caul, carrot mix and 1 veg. brown egg

A.M. Felt centered and started my day with yoga, but got thrown off because then went to bro’s bball game and felt ‘tight’ and clean energy but got depressed and tired on our way home; possibly due to the snow and lack of sun but ate my salad and drug myself to the gym and ended up having a great workout; my body def prefers morning workouts, though

P.M. Felt so cheerful and healthy minded, optimistic after workout and cannot remember why but wanted those gluten free cookies and sweet potato….maybe because I had already planned to cut out all processed food or starchier carb sources this week…? The sweet potatoes even made me swollen almost immediately and the cookies were not as satisfying as they would have been previously; almost ended up getting in that, “I’m bored”, mindset and depressed, which typically leads to mindless eating but instead dug deep to think more intuitively and realized I was craving fresh smoothies and fruit and crave that feeling of clean inside that changed so quickly with just a few items that were part of my everyday diet and for most people, do not bug them at all. I passed out watching Forks over Knives….as I am running out of the documentaries to watch.

Sunday: Finished off my sugar free peppermint mocha creamer in my last cup of coffee for at least a week, hopefully longer. I love coffee but pretty sure I drink it more for the warmth it gives me in the morning and perhaps a social matter. Broccoli, banana, avocado, almond milk, protein powder, beet root smoothie; apple, banana, grapes, nut butter with cinnamon; quest bar; spaghetti squash, cabbage, zucchini mix with olive oil

A.M. Awoke to a phone call from my amazing husband, which left me in a great mood, but Sundays are just so ugh in Ohio, I haven’t even been into my NFL teams all too much and I’m pretty sure that’s because I can only go to the gym between hours 1-5 and I’m working hard at keeping my training routine promise so while I can easily do a workout at home, I’m dedicated to that other aspect of my life and it interferes with other things annnnd of course, I have nothing to do around here except blog and create training programs for people; so, I just allow myself to be glum, I guess. I watched, The Heat, with brother bear though and it brought me up and made me laugh despite the dreary morning and headed out to the gym even feeling really full somehow from my fruits and veggies.

P.M. Super full from all the veggies but am deciding to go all raw for at least Monday-Wednesday and those veggies were going bad and I cannot stand letting paid food go to waste, so cooked it all, phew. Felt the endorphins after the workout, though, and stocked up on fresh kale, spinach, strawberries, blueberries, bananas, coconut milk to hold me over for the next three days. I felt like my face was less clear today, though, than earlier in the week…seriously, just from a few gluten free cookies, tiny bit of yogurt and sweet potatoes over the past few days…? Trying to wind down and show gratitude to my family tonight so I can head to bed early and get up early for my leg workout eaaaaaarly before work so I can start my all raw trial out great!

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For the next 3 days: only raw food personal challenge to myself.

(Below are written on Wednesday, you will understand why…)

Monday: bananas, blueberries, spinach, superfood greens, coconut water, unsweetened almond milk smoothie x3, green tea, bananas, strawberries, grapefruit, apple (I actually cannot recall 100% what was in my smoothies at the end of the day, due to complete brain fog and a headache)

A.M. My alarm went off late, so I couldn’t get to the gym prior to heading in for work but was energized because I was excited about what the day held. My energy and clarity was present and high until the afternoon after-school; I then had the onset of a massive headache. After that came the chills, the inability to think properly or really move, as I felt extremely weak.

P.M. Relay those feelings all night; I couldn’t even make it to the gym or my brother’s basketball game and even doing yoga was taunting…I watched a lot of Netflix and crashed.

Tuesday: strawberry, spinach, greens, coconut water smoothie; raw almonds; kale, yellow, orange, and green peppers, beets, and vinegar salad; kale, greens, raw protein powder, coco water, almond milk, lemon, banana smoothie.

A.M. I received a last minute wake-me-up phone call from the school asking me to work and I am still kicking myself for not just saying, “Yes”, but I still had the headache from the night prior and would’ve had to been showered, dressed (this means rummaging around my car and boxes for proper work attire), and out the door within a half-hour of the call. My body said, “No”. So, I got up sluggishly and planned my workout, drank my smoothie, went and had probably the most pitiful workout in a long time and couldn’t even manage post-workout yoga and accomplished almost nothing that I intended for the day: my OCD for organization was nowhere to be seen.  I also began to get extremely depressed, cried (rare for me) and started questioning everything in my life; I supplemented with Vitamin C, E, Echinacea, and Niacin herbals to help all these symptoms….”Food Matters” professionals show that we are all extremely deficient in vitamins so there is absolutely nothing to fear with an extra dose here or there, as we are taught to believe.

P.M. While eating my salad that seemed to take forever to create, I was honestly feeling glum still and told myself that I would keep this promise to myself and stop focusing so much on how I think this may not taste so delicious compared to umm me downing a jar of nut butter, perhaps. Instead, I didn’t watch TV, play on my computer, phone or talk to anyone. I sat in silence with my rainbow of a salad and thoughtfully ate each piece, savoring the flavors of nature and envisioning how it was nourishing my body and healing me from the inside out. I have to say that I probably could not have done this, as I often eat a mix thoughtful but mindless, as in I eat healthy food and get nutrients in but have let go of my slow eating habits that will help keep me satisfied more without just taking in any food I put in front of me. I also can attest that my daily yoga practices, mixing up the routines and instructors are allowing me to truly become more centered and grateful. Yoga teaches you to move and breathe with a purpose and dedicate our practice, while showing gratitude in all that we do; it was a revelation and an affirmation of this practice when I was able to do this during my meal.  I drank my smoothie at the dinner table, with my little brother tempting me to eat his homemade, delicious looking baked potato fries but I reminded him that I made a promise to myself that I would do this for my health and mental well-being and denied him, ohhhhhh! Luckily, we had Aidan’s basketball game to keep my mind busy and my headache was slowly going away, but it was surely cold and even more so for me it seemed. I was constipated this day, though, whereas on Monday I was flushed out.

(Note: I need to have my OWN kitchen so that I can whip out kitchen tools, buy more than just what fits in addition to my family’s food right now and get creative on these raw dishes!)

Wednesday: banana, spinach, strawberry, blueberry, raw protein, coconut water, almond milk, ginger, cinnamon, ice smoothie; ¼ cantaloupe, 1 orange, 3 strawberries, 1 banana with cinnamon; raw almonds; kale, broccoli, coco water, almond milk, small portion of raw protein powder, supergreens, mixed greens, blueberries smoothie, spices; ¼ cantaloupe

A.M. Finally woke up with barely any headache but was slow to rise. It was technically a day off from lifting but I didn’t have work so I knew my body would thank me for getting to the gym. I ended up wanting to do mostly cardio but once I got in there, decided I would switch it up and do something that hasn’t been in my routine for a while: running and lifting for endurance. So, basically, I did a Crossfit style workout but it felt great to run a steady pace; it’s bizarre because I love to run but have not for so long because I am up North now and it’s not possible where my family lives to run outdoors and, the neighborhood crime is up, as well. I cannot wait to get back down to the South so that I can get some fresh, open air in the warmth! I started to get spacey again when I got back, but being drenched even more than normal in sweat was an amazing feeling and reminder of my journey; my yoga was great and I felt the high from my practice once again!

P.M.  Well, I’m writing this presently at just after 1600 and without being too nasty, I have to say I have only had the first two meals that are listed (the rest are planned for tonight) and for some reason am urinating every 15 minutes and have gas like crazy! (I am actually nervous about the fiber packed smoothie I have planned for dinner…. Oh and I usually do urinate A LOT, but it is clear and I have drank a lot of water, but not any more than normal.) When looking in the mirror today, I do feel like my skin looks more alive. I have battled with acne in different ways for over 10 years and have discolored, red skin, mostly on my face (not to mention, the mustache and out of control eyebrows), so for me to feel comfortable without cover up or powder on outside is a step in the right direction. It’s this overload of nutrients, I’m assuming! Now, I do not wear makeup everywhere I go, but am almost always self-conscious about people seeing me with blotchy skin. I am taking my brother to another bball game tonight and am hoping to pop in to Vitamin Shoppe and pick up more Apple Cider Vinegar-with the Mother and a glass of GT’s Kombucha, if they have it-yumm! Because I am taking each moment of my day with more ease and thinking out more thoroughly, I cannot say I have planned out where I am going from here, as in even tomorrow, yet and perhaps I will contemplate as I lay in bed tonight but the remainder of the day is still to be enjoyed and fulfilled whole-heartedly.

A rough idea of what I will continue with: incorporate a green smoothie everyday (with larger amounts of green over fruits per meal); have at least 2 completely raw meals each day; when I cook vegetables, only lightly steam them to prevent loss of nutrients; maintain no animal products and seek out alternate sources of protein; keep the majority of grains and coffee out; add in more cardio to my training routine, as I feel; try a new fruit or vegetable each week and a new method of cardio; make sure I meditate or do full yoga practice for at least 10 minutes each day; eat with more thought on how each bite is either helping or hurting my health.

29 August 2013

What pre-dep leave can do to you...

...a.k.a. make you 'fluffy'. Yes, I could have easily worked my willpower against the evils of dining out, but I have been learning to take the punches and roll with them to make the best out of them. 1. I might have had several days of food that I would not recommend as a PCOS-friendly diet (too much starchy carbs and lack of portion control) but the difference between my mindset now versus the past is that in the past I would've continued to say, "Oh, tomorrow I'll be back on a strict diet"....and then pig out past my satiated point and the rollercoaster diet cycle ensues. Now, I'll eat a few bites of this naughty food and stop before I feel like I can't get off the couch (I envision myself here with a prego size belly not able to get up without rolling around like a 2 legged dog; I'm weird, whatever...and no I'm not dogging on pregnant ladies, geez even though I don't want kids now, someday I'll be wishing I was rolling around with a babe inside of me when I can't....I like ... & italics today, can you tell? Oh yeah, and my grammar and sentence structure sucks today; ADD day I suppose.) Anyhoo, moral of that story: Yes, I gained some water weight and fat but I made sure I was staying consistent with lifting or working out whenever possible even though pre-deployment has entailed being away from my home, my routines, my house being upside down with projects, and trying to make my husband as relaxed as possible before he has to reside in a living version of Hell again in the coming months. Mind you, he is going to miss football season, big holidays, and birthdays yet again this year; so we are celebrating early, right?!
With that said, I knew after 1 week of this 'carefree' attitude that I was ready to get back on the ball more hardcore and focus back solely on nutrients that my body loooooves. Well, my body must have enjoyed that break because my body is responding better than ever, high intensity lifting sessions, added in some TRX training at home, a slight bit of running to build my endurance back up and cycling my carbs a bit. (One day low, one day moderate, one day high; this isn't an end all-be all approach, it just helps me reduce cravings in the long run if I know I can look forward to more varied food choices the following day.) My muscles look more full and I feel great. I did take a week off of the Metformin when my prescription was up to remember, or really truly recognize, if it was assisting me and I have to admit that the week of not so good food didn't really add the aforementioned 'fluff' until I went off my pills. Disclaimer: I'm purposely took this break so that I don't become dependent on a medication to make me feel less fluffy, but I could definitely tell the insulin spikes were back slightly when off of the medication. I wasn't going to continue with it but had a follow-up with the doc and informed her that I finally lost the negative side effects (mentioned in the last post) so we decided to just see if the positive response ensues for the next few months. I have been back on it for a day and feel amazing thus far; fingers crossed I don't publish this then get nauseous and narcoleptic again...

So, for all you readers that may have those times similar to my pre-deployment celebratory eating, don't forget to stay consistent and listen to your body when it tells you no more. I have found that because PCOS can easily relay into depression for various reasons, when I don't eat PCOS-friendly to a 'T' I only get depressed when I am eating out of emotional disturbance, to clear my mind of thoughts, and truly if I let my mind get the best of me. Never quit, just keep on trucking and never view something as a 'negative', even if it is outside of your norm; just make everything a positive.

Are all my posts sounding too similar...? I'll switch up the next one to something radical, I promise.

16 August 2013

Take time to connect.

....and not online! I've gotten comments on my social media & BodySpace pages about being absent from posting in the past month. Reason #1 is truth: I was feeling insecure about the changes going on with my body. It's extremely difficult not to compare ourselves to others, or even what we once looked like. At the end of the day, though, only we can really tell the physical changes (because we nit-pick) and typically what we see of others is altered in some fashion. I was upset with myself for feeling this way because I felt like a hypocrite, trying to promote inner beauty and confidence to other women (and now some very impressionable teenage girls) but yet was allowing myself to hide. Aside from my insecurities, I also have been resting and sleeping....a lot. While I miss working to no end, at this point, I feel blessed to a point that I had the option to rest when my body needed to; which is a lot on these medications. (Reference previous post.) After the initial 2 weeks of really getting adjusted to the new meds, I do feel like I have a handle on them for the most part. I revert back to symptoms of fatigue, nausea and dizziness if I don't eat enough food with them; which is actually hard because my taste buds are way off. Anyway, I do think they are assisting in my insulin levels, for sure. When I'm not drained and eating at proper intervals with them, I recognize a consistent level of energy, rather than prior instances of spikes and crashes. It may help that I have not had a taste for starchy carbohydrates, (or any, really) either. While I have always tried to keep my diet gluten-free and avoid those carbs that will send my body out of whack, we are all human and enjoy something different for time to time. The past month, my husband was away training, and being in the military, oftentimes he goes through a period where he'll have a hankering for restaurant food because he is deprived of food choices on a daily basis.
With that said, I had my first experience with pizza in a long time. Normally after one slice, I feel bloated, hyper then tired, and retain a lot of water the following day; my body does not like dairy and cheese, as that's recommended for almost all with PCOS (to at least not overdo the consumption, obv.). I hadn't been able to eat all day because well, every time I make a smoothie or salad lately, I can't finish it without feeling grossed out. Bizarre. Anyhoo, he had a few pieces the other night and I was not tempted whatsoever (that's a first!) but eventually got hungry and took a few bites....then the whole slice...and he asked me how I felt. Amazingly, not the same as before; so, my silly husband bugged me to eat the other one (Is he trying to fatten me up yo?! No, his claim is that he never sees me indulge and he knows how mental PCOS is for me in 'not being normal'...eff that, we are a special kind of normal!) So, I did...and guess what, it was like I never had pizza at all! I woke up the next morning still with ab definition, (I didn't mention, I've been leaning back out slowly) if not more than the day before! So, I always see fellow bodybuilders bragging about this, doing IIFYM (If it fits your macros), and at least getting to carb cycle and get super jealous because all those approaches don't work so hot for me but I finally got where they are coming from the day after an 'off' meal.. (I don't like the word 'cheat', it is dirty and presents the opportunity for guilt.)
To sum it up: Metformin, you must be doing the trick yo; you have mean side effects and I am not sure how long I will take your daily grumpiness, but thank you for that little moment. If anything, having that moment made me appreciate, even more, the hard work we put into a PCOS-friendly diet, exercising, and practicing meditation. I have always wondered how my body would really respond to my bodybuilding lifestyle if it was 'normal' and I suppose maybe I had a glimpse of that and it was validation of willpower, determination, and greater respect for all the other ladies out there dealing with PCOS. There is no cure, but we can know that every step in the right direction makes us more powerful from the inside-out.
To finish off: the title of my post was intended to describe the time I have been resting, I have taken that time to reconnect with my spirituality on a deeper level and am reflecting through prayer and reading, as well as self-introspection on how I can become a better person for myself, my husband, my family, friends, even those on social media. You never know whose day you may change with the smallest action or word.

20 June 2013

Not 'if' but 'when'.

Not if, but, when I get my entrepreneurship revved and going, I am thinking: Six Packs & PCOS! I am starting to see my 6-pack coming back; limited cardio, heavy ass weights and food that works with my hormones rather than against it! Full blog coming later...

12 June 2013

Confessions of an Under-eater and Overachiever

A back porch, sunshine on my face, Blender Bottle full of BCAAs sweating from the heat, but a cool breeze of the wind blowing my hair out of my face; what more could a lady ask for? This is me in this moment. Instead of being grateful for the little things in life, I found myself throwing yet another pity party for how stuffed and fluffy I feel. Regardless of my intense leg workout this morning, I still find myself feeling guilty over consuming appropriate amounts of nutrition to gain muscle (hence the title of this entry). After losing an initial mass weightloss over the span of several years, I truly began focusing on only consuming unprocessed foods about 1.5 years ago and it has all been trial and error. This was about the time I discovered what Bodybuilding.com had to offer and researching every bit I could into PCOS and how I should be eating to truly lean out. Mind you, I had thought that I put on a good portion of muscle mass, simply by picking up a weight. My problem: inconsistency with one regimen. Yes, I believe that the body needs to have variety or it will no longer see results, but I’m talking trying absolutely every training program and ‘diet’ out in BroScience land and Endocrinology research websites, trying to strike a balance between being a bodybuilder and living with a hormonal imbalance-atypical of most bodybuilding regimes.
Despite my rambling, I have a point regarding my headline:
After finally completing my first (all-the-way through…not half-assed) 12-week challenge through Bodybuilding.com/BodySpace, I felt AMAZING! I was seeing abs that I had worked so hard for but had never actually seen, but I couldn’t fight the fact that I had not really changed all that much in a 12-week span regardless of the max effort I put in. So, I took a few weeks to decrease my cardio slightly but still lifted in heavy circuits, because I was not about to lose those abs! Well, sure enough, even with clean eating and limited indulgences, my abs were *poof* gone in an instant. I’m still working on figuring out if it’s my sensitivity to carbs or just the fact that my body fat percentage was not low enough. Several weeks after the challenge ended, I was approached in the gym by an older gentleman that recognized my dedication in the gym and volunteered his time to coach me for an upcoming figure show debut. Awesome, right?! It seemed that way for the first few weeks. I was getting my butt kicked but I loved that he said I was eating the right foods and portion sizes and said I would never max out over 1 hour of cardio-ever. (Annoying buzzer sound, here!) Well, sure enough, even me explaining my PCOS to him, he realized I wasn’t dropping weight like ‘most people’ would for the hours of training and food restrictions; so instead of listening to my input of trying high-intensity sprint intervals, he increased my cardio and pretty soon my life was all consumed with this and I soon became miserable. To make a long story short, I got news that a medical surgery took precedence over the show and the coach turned out to be ummm-unprofessional, to say the least- so after intense calorie restriction and all day gym sessions I was left having to have surgery and told to stay out of the gym for several weeks. Oh goody. Despite my long, leisurely walks with my husband and still doing some light cardio when I wasn’t in pain and of course, eating at a calorie deficit; I managed to gain weight right back. During this time I watched one too many of Dr. Layne Norton’s Youtube videos and read up on other bodybuilders and fitness professionals-with scientific degrees- on how to properly treat your body without destroying your mind and body, as I was doing. You see, when I am told to follow a plan, I follow it to a ‘T’, I execute everything with the mindset that it needs to be perfect and if I do not achieve what I envisioned, my psychological state begins to suffer. (PCOS women, you know all too well the cycle of stress from additional cortisol and quick onset of depression. REMEMBER: Stress will only make the fat cling and do NOT let your mind control your happiness!) When I added up how much I was eating on that prep prior to my surgery, I was down to ~800 calories/day, all of chicken, asparagus, and egg whites. Prior to that major deficit, I always thought it was recommended that I stay below 1200 calories/day to lose. Well, if you’re always trying to LOSE, eventually you have no further place to go and your body fights with you to maintain homeostasis. Putting this in perspective: I have been eating under 1200 calories/day (with the exception of family gatherings, holidays, or the occasional treat meal) for the past ummm, I’d say 3 years. Yes, that worked to get initial weight off, but I don’t know how I thought I could ever gain muscle size or cut when I have no surplus to cut from!
Back to me, sitting here fluffy and stuff… Over the past week being back in the gym I have been focusing on lifting some heavy @$$ weight and slowly increased my calories. Even my carbs. I still cannot manage to look in the mirror without being sad about lost abs or the feeling that I cannot stomach the amount of food I should be consuming to put on muscle, but my intent is to be able to stand this amount of food without putting on an excess amount of fat, so that when I do incorporate cardio again (no 2 hour sessions, I’ll be doing sprint intervals, sport activities, and yoga) I have a number to cut down from and know how to properly balance my intake to cut slowly. Perhaps I will utilize BB.com’s Cellucor challenge to lean out a bit so I feel more comfortable at the beach but nothing crazy and I’m pretty sure we’re looking at some muscle gains when my husband deploys again in the fall. I will never subject myself to an unhealthy way of life that only permits rebounds, poor self-esteem, or eating disorders. As much as it pains me not to feel comfortable yet in my bikini on the beach, living in Coastal Carolina, I know it will pay off in the long run. And, hey, my doctor said I shouldn’t be exposing myself to the bacteria from the sand and ocean yet, anyway; backyard kiddie pool with the pups, here I go!

Never forgo your happiness for an extrinsic motivator. Dig deep and know that you truly cannot succeed for long-term until you have intrinsic motivation and a deeper purpose to lead a healthy, balanced life.